Choices
by PaleLittleGirl
Summary: During the summer before his 7th year, Harry makes some choices. Bad ones. Warnings: Slash, Language, Substance Abuse.
1. Prologue

**Prologue- Remembering**

It was the thirtieth of May; nearly a year after the Incident, and a handsome (if too thin) young man was sitting quietly across from the Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was surrounded by people who considered themselves his good friends and the closest thing he had to family. It wouldn't be until much later into the evening when they would find out that they were very much mistaken.

"We shouldn't have given him the Veritaserum," piped up a girl with bushy hair. "It's a complete invasion of his privacy! I think we should give him more time to open up..." she trailed off sadly.

An older man, who had been sitting with his hands resting in the pockets of his shabby robes up until then, shook his head angrily in disagreement.

"What else were we to do, Hermione?" he cried. "He stopped talking to us, stopped including us in his life...this, I am sorry to say, is the only way to find out why!"

Hermione looked down at her lap, hands clasped tightly. Lupin was right, she knew. But it still felt wrong to her. She glanced at Ron nervously. He sat right next her, trying to provide comfort and support despite his bitter feelings about the whole situation. He cleared his throat suddenly. "Can we _please _get this over with? I don't want to be here all bloody day, you know!"

Hermione winced and clutched his hand sympathetically.

The Headmistress, Minerva McGonagall, who had been watching them silently, nodded her head curtly in agreement. "Yes, Mr. Weasley. We will begin shortly. Mr. Potter has just been administered the potion, so he is ready to be questioned. Remus," she looked over sadly to the man who had spoken up earlier. "...Would you like to be the one who will ask him...everything?"

Remus nodded tiredly. "Yes, of course, Minerva. If I could just take your seat, please."

The Headmistress mustered what she hoped what was a comforting smile and rose. "Of course, old friend. I'll leave the three of you to it now. Please do call me when you have finished." And with that she glided out of her office, not to be seen for several more hours.

Remus Lupin sighed heavily and lowered himself painfully into her chair. His joints ached from his recent lycanthropic transformation. He glanced around the office, letting old memories wash over him. It felt like it was just yesterday when he was here defending James or Sirius to the Headmaster. And now here he was, about to interrogate his best friend's son. The fond smile that had been playing on his lips disappeared as he began to speak.

"Can you hear me?" he asked softly.

Harry Potter's emerald green eyes flickered in recognition. "Yes," he answered monotonously.

Remus nodded and glanced at Ron and Hermione. "I want you to tell us why you attempted to kill yourself over the summer. Why you started drinking so heavily and why-" he broke off suddenly, barely believing this was Harry he was speaking to. "-why you started doing drugs."

"Where should I start?"

"Whenever you think it all began."


	2. Remembering

**Chapter 1- The Beginning **

****

**_Flashback_ **

Harry stood on the front lawn of #4, Privet Drive, and sighed as he watched his friends wave goodbye from the back seat of a car that was speeding off.

"_Have a good summer..." _

_ "We'll be sure to write everyday..." _

_ "Don't do anything rash, o.k.? Be careful..." _

He snorted derisively to himself as the blistering sun beat mercilessly onto his broad shoulders. Did they really think he would do something stupid and reckless, like hunt down Snape, the murdering bastard, or runaway to Diagon Alley? The minute an attempt would be made venture out on his own, he would be forced back into 'safety'. He could almost hear his friends' warnings.

_"You can't leave, it's too dangerous! You'll get yourself hurt, or worse..." _

_ "You can't do it alone, you need your friends by your side..." _

The hell he did. However, the last thing he wanted was repeat of the end of his fifth year, so he would be a good little boy and do what he was told. For now. Harry winced as his aunt's high-pitched voice called to him loudly, interrupting his thoughts.

"Oh, you're back, are you? Well, stop staring into nothing like that! Heavens, what will the neighbors think? That you're some sort of a drug addict, that's what they'll think! Get inside; I have a list of chores for you to do! First, the lawn needs to be mowed..."

Harry groaned and ran his fingers through his newly shoulder length black hair. This was going to be a long 'vacation'.

_**End Flashback **_

_"I had thought the summer would go smoothly," continued Harry tonelessly. "Why shouldn't it have? I would get through it easily enough if I kept to myself and did what I was told. Sadly, my hopes for peace and quiet were effectively ruined later that very same day..." _

_** Flashback **_

Harry yawned tiredly and glanced at his watch. The display read nine 'o clock p.m. He had finished all of the grueling chores his aunt had assigned him, and had decided to get some fresh air by taking a stroll through Little Whinging. It was cold and dark in the streets, and a sense of foreboding hung on the strangely frigid summer air. He slowly made his way to the park, marveling at the cruelty of the remainder of his 'family'.

'_I can't wait to turn seventeen,' _Harry thought to himself idly. It would be a whole different ball game when he would be able to use magic legally. He knew he would end up in Azkaban if he took revenge on decade of misery he had suffered at the hands of his relatives, but he still liked to fantasize about it. He even dreamt about it sometimes. Harry sighed inwardly as he reflected on dreams. They weren't normal... they were like visions, almost. He could practically taste the blood that shed from the wounds he inflicted in them; he almost... _enjoyed_ the agony he caused.

"_No, not almost," _Harry realized. _' I _do_ enjoy it...' _

Harry sighed as he eased himself into the seat of an empty swing set at the vacant park, his beat up black Converse resting comfortably on the hard dirt. What was wrong with him? He could make excuses; say it was the Dark Lord's influence that made him feel that way. But he knew deep down that was a lie. It was like there was another part of him, a part completely unaffected by the morals and boundaries of the wizarding world, a part that was desperate to claw it's way to the surface. In all honesty, Harry was tempted to let it, and not worry about the consequences. But that would be 'wrong', and he didn't do things that were wrong. He wasn't allowed. Not even allowed to leave the fucking house, because it was too dangerous; wasn't allowed to go out on his own and hunt down Voldemort. No, he was being forced to go back to school. Meanwhile, people were dying, being killed, because he was too weak to do anything it.

_' Just like Sirius...' _Harry thought sadly to himself. Over a year later, and he still hadn't truly accepted his godfather's death. Not to mention Dumbledore. Although he would never voice his thoughts to anyone, Harry privately believed his old mentor had brought his demise onto himself by trusting Snape.

"Nice one, Big D! You really showed that little cocksucker you meant business, didn't you?"

Harry groaned inwardly at the interruption. His cousin and his little gang were out, no doubt beating up twelve year olds again in between swigs of whiskey stolen from their parent's liquor cabinets. And by the sounds of it, they were heading straight for him.

_'I should leave,' _thought Harry worriedly. His cousin had gotten even more violent as the year progressed, and he really did not want to get in the way of his fists.

_** End Flashback **_

_ "I wish I had left then. If I had, maybe things would have been different. In any case, I stayed, and I have regretted it ever since." _

End Ch. 1


	3. The Beginning

**Chapter 2- **

_Scream at me, and if you like _

_throw your hate ate me with all your might_

_Hit me 'cause I'm strange, hit me! _

_-Korn _

_'Oh, to hell with it. I need to have some fun," _Harry smiled confidently and rose from the swing with an easy grace. Dudley wouldn't dare touch him, he was certain of that. As he strode confidently toward the noisy group of teens, Harry felt strangely calm. He needed to project his feelings onto something or someone before they got out of hand, and his cousin was the perfect canidate.

"Hey, Big D!" he called loudly across the desolate park. "Beating up twelve year olds again? What a challenge!"

Dudley turned around slowly, his piggy eyes narrowed threateningly, while his friends muttered angrily amongst themselves quietly. They weren't used to people treating their ringleader with anything other than fear, and that counted his strange relative. Dudley gave a warning growl and resumed conversing with his friends, hoping that Harry would take the hint and leave. If his cousin had known what events were about to unfold, he might have. However, seeing as how he was not blessed with the ability to see into the future, the young wizard smirked self assuredly and continued his stroll toward the gang. This would be fun.

"Aww, why are you ignoring me, _Duddykins_? What, are you scared of lil' ol' me?"

One of Dudley's friends, a boy with greasy blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, gave an unpleasent snigger and nudged one of his friends, leaning over to whisper something into his ear. Dudley shot him a withering glare and he gave an apologetic smile. Dudley rolled his eyes and turned toward his cousin.

"Shut the fuck up, Potter," he spat bitterly. "You don't know what you're dealing with..." he trailed of threateningly, eyeing the boy in front of him angrily.

Harry grinned ferally and began shifting from foot to foot aggressively. "Oh, really? Funny, I could say the say same to you..." he glanced boredly at the night sky. "Wow," he said innocently, "...the clouds cleared up rather quickly, didn't they? _As if by magic..."_ he smiled coldly. '_This is just too easy...'_

A strange look flitted across Dudley's face, but it passed too quickly for Harry to see what it was. Fear, perhaps? Rage? _'Odd,' _Harry reflected to himself. His cousin usually wasn't skilled at masking his feelings.

The small group glared at him angrily. Harry stood his ground and glared right back, arms folded across his lean chest. Dudley was, surprisingly, the first to break eye contact.

"It's getting late," he said slowly, turning toward his friends. "Go, I'll handle him."

The boy with the stringy blonde hair looked at his leader increduously. "Late! Dud, it's only just after nine! Hey!" Dudley shoved him backward violently into the arms of a redhead behind him.

" I _said _I'll handle him! Now get out of here, all of you!" Harry raised an eyebrow. This definetly was not normal behavior for his cousin. After a lot of mutinous grumblings, the teens began to go their seperate ways, still complaining and wondering aloud why he was afraid of his own cousin. Dudley spun on his heel and began to walk home, chest heaving angrily.

Harry grinned and fell into step with the boy, breathing in the cold air happily. This was doing wonders for his previously bad mood.

"Aww, come on, Dud! Why leave? I thought you were going to _handle_ me!"

Dudley gritted his teeth and dug his fingernails deep into his hands. "I'm warning you, Potter. You better fucking shut up if you know what's good for you..." he stopped suddenly and turned toward the boy next him, eyes radiating with loathing. "Go away, Potter. You're starting to get on my last nerve."

**End Flashback**

_"That should have been when I took the hint and went back to the house. However, I didn't take my cousin seriously and continued to tease him." Harry sighed and looked down at his hands. "I payed for my folly just a few minutes later..."_

**Flashback**

"You know, Dudley, that temper of yours is going to get you in trouble one day," said Harry conversationally. "So, how was your year?" His cousin said nothing and continued walking towards his home.

"So, got a girlfriend hidden away or someth-" Without warning, Dudley snapped and rammed his fist into Harry's face so hard he felt something crack.

"Unn..." Harry groaned. He fell back onto the cold hard concrete, and couldn't see anything but stars dancing in front of his eyes. The pain in his face was so intense he felt like he was going to throw up. He slowly became aware of the fact that his nose was bleeding profusely onto his shirt...and Dudley was standing over him with a strange, feral gleam in his narrowed eyes. Harry swallowed fearfully and inched his left hand toward his pocket for his wand. His heart skipped a beat when his fingers met nothing but lint. _"Shit..." _ Harry realized he was helpless...and completly at the mercy of his cousin.

For the first time that night, Dudley smiled.


	4. Visitor

**Chapter Three- Visitor**

A/N: Well, here's chapter three! I know, it's short. But four should be longer, and I wanted to get this posted as soon as possible.

Harry rolled over in his bed restlessly. The gray flannel sheets were damp with his sweat. It had been three days since the night at the park, three days since Dudley had beaten the shit out of him. And he couldn't do anything about it. He shuddered at the memory of his cousin's wanton brutality. He had come back to Privet Drive half conscious covered in his own blood, with a broken nose and a black eye, among other things. And Aunt Petunia hadn't done anything about it...she had just sniffed angrily and warned him not to get blood on her kitchen floor. So he had limped up to his bedroom to get his wand with the intentions of using every hex he knew on his cousin...and it wasn't there. Nothing was there, not his well worn school books, nor his potion ingredients...nothing but his bed and an old battered nightstand. It was in that moment Harry realized just how much trouble he was in. He had waited for Hedwig to come back from her nightly flight, and wrote an urgent letter to the one person in the world he knew he could trust.

_Ron, _

_You've got to help me. The muggles took my wand and the rest of my stuff. Dudley attacked me tonight! Please, Ron. Come get me. _

_-Harry _

The letter had been short, to the point. After he wrote it he promptly passed out onto the carpet of his bedroom. That night he dreamt of laughing, ice blue eyes that shone with an insane amusement while he was kissed so hard his lips bled. When he woke up with a dreadful pain in his head the next day, Hedwig had returned and he remembered nothing of his nightmares. With an eagerness borne of desperation, he grabbed at the envelope fervently and tore it open, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He read the letter quickly, relief flooding through his veins. And then he read it again. It was only after rereading it for the third time did Harry understand just how screwed he was.

_Dear Harry, _

_Very funny, mate. I already told you, mum says you can't come over. Thinks it's too dangerous. I can't say I blame her. We'll see you at the end of the summer, okay? And don't try that again, all right? _

_P.S. Hermione wanted to tell you off for trying to fool us in this letter but I wouldn't let her! See you soon!_

_-Ron_

Harry almost choked on his rage. Ron, his _best friend, _thought he was playing a _prank? _Didn't he trust him? Have any faith in him _at all?_ Slowly, it all began to sink in. He was obviously with Hermione, and it was no secret that the two had decided to take their relationship to the next level. They probably didn't want him around... probably thought he was an annoying third wheel or something. He supposed it didn't matter that he had saved their asses more times than he could count. He could picture them easily: spending all their time together, secretly happy they didn't have to deal with him intruding on their 'togetherness'. Harry heaved a sigh of defeat and sunk into his bed slowly. He really shouldn't be all that surprised...them wanting some time away from him was to be expected. _'A forgivable sin...' _He smiled bitterly to himself as the thought occurred to him. What was he going to do now? He had nowhere to go, no way to defend himself without violating the underage magic rule. The smile disappeared as he looked out his bedroom window sadly. He had several weeks to wait before his seventeenth birthday... until then, he was defenseless and alone. His morose thoughts were interrupted as his uncle opened the door without knocking.

"We're all going out to dinner. That is, Dudley, Petunia, and I. If I come back and find the house in ruins..." he trailed off threateningly. Harry blinked.

"Okay."

Vernon frowned as he turned to leave, slamming to door loudly behind him. Harry supposed he should have acted more upset at being left out. Now his uncle would be suspicious of him...and he didn't really care. He would, finally, be alone for a while..._completely alone. _His heart skipped a beat as he realized what that meant...now was his chance to find his wand! Harry bit his lip and froze, waiting breathlessly for the front door to open and close, signaling his relative's exit. When the fateful slam came, he shot out of the bed and ran toward into the hall, adrenaline pumping into eager veins. _'Where could it be?' _The possibilities were endless. It could be in their room, Dudley's room, or any locked closet... Harry mentally disregarded the first two. The Dursley's were terrified of magic- having an artifact of an otherworldly persuasion in their room was completely out of character. _'Wouldn't it be funny if it was in the cupboard under the stairs?' _How ironic would that be, and how obvious. Harry stopped suddenly. And how like them. Without another thought, he dashed down the stairs to the place that had been his bedroom for the first eleven years of his life. With strength born of a desperate hope, he pulled at the handle, praying he was right. The hard metal left an imprint on his pale fingers as he withdrew his hands. Locked. A good sign. He frowned. Now, there was a difficult question to be posed: how was he going to get his things out of there without signs of tampering?

There was no obvious solution, but that wasn't a problem. Over the years, Harry had learned to think out of the box. Several thoughts came to him at once, all diluted and half formed. No good. As he stood in front of the cupboard, pondering, a loud crack interrupted his thoughts of retrieving his most prized possession. Harry whirled around to face the intruder, with nothing but his fists for defense. He lowered them with a relieved smile as he got a look at the small figure before him.

"Dobby! What are you doing here?"

End Ch. 3

A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! I WILL GIVE YOU COOKIES! Next chapter should get Harry out of Privet Drive, and out into the wild. Let me know if you have any suggestions, darling readers.


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